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maeberry2007
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Name: Taylor
Birthday: 10/7/1989
Gender: Female
Interests: Side walk chalk, bare feet, bike rides, books, Cadillacs, pictures, stories and caramel hot chocolate.
Expertise: I can stick both feet in my mouth at the same time, I drive my 88 Cadillac around like a sports car, I speed, I write a lot. When it's nice outside you'll usually finally me in a tree either with a book, or with Heather, and I've gotten pretty good in doing without shoes. I'm really good at being billed by Purdue University for fees I've already paid off, or don't owe until six months after I'm out of school. And I've recently acquired a talent for making pizza at the campus Domino's.
Occupation: I'm told it's eye candy
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  indistinctmaybe
Yahoo:  maeberry2007
Member Since:
12/17/2004
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| Sleigh bells ring
Are ya listening?
In the lane
Snow is glistening
It's a beautiful sight
We're happy tonight
Walkin in a winter wonderland
OMG SNOOOOOOOW!!! Blizzard! Yey! I was three inches of snow away from getting snowed in! Which is, by all means, good enough for me. I AM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW. 162 days until I'm married. 15 days until Christmas. 8 days until winter break. Ach du liebes bisschen! I want to have boy right here though so I can wrap him in a snuggly hug and kiss him. And I want to watch Christmas movies, and drink hot chocolate- That's it! I'll go put on the kettle!
I put on my dad's full body snowsuit to get more firewood today. I couldn't stop giggling for about five minutes. The crotch came down to my knees and I waddled more than I walked out there pushing the wheel barrow through over a foot of snow. Then I pulled on a log causing our cave of firewood to collapse which scared me, which made me fall flat on my bum, which mae me laugh harder.
I am now watching the Dick Van Dyke show. And I am happy and as soon as this lid closes I'm putting on the teapot and making some steamy chocolate.
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| Better.
I am a glowing ball of bubbily warmth. If I were outside in the spring time, I would imagine a bird might be tempted to land on my shoulder.
I actually accomplished something tonight. Correction, I accomplished everything I wanted to accomplish tonight. Those two things being, my late German homework, and my late math homework. I plan on finishing my not late due Friday German homework tomorrow. The assignment I finished today took almost ten hours to finish it. Break for the sake of my sanity included. But I did it! I even put in some effort and did my little sneaky browsing, finding an alternate way to load the course page I needed to get my math assignment that does not load from the regular link. I even put in job applications this morning. Not like I expect to get anything for it, but just saying I did it makes me mom less mood swingy about my employment.
On that note, yes mom even though you said not to worry about getting a job and focus on school but change your opinion about this weekly, I will use even more gas driving around the one area of the country that probably got hit the hardest by the recession putting in application for a temporary five month employment stint. Yes, I think that'll work out nicely.
Does anyone fail to see her logic? She gets like ten calls a week at work asking if they're hiring, and she thinks that I, an experienced college student, will pick up work if I "just put more effort into it?"
Hmmmmm
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| There are a thousand and one things I'd like to say. I'm not sure how many of them I should. I'm not even sure how many of them I can define well enough to put into words. I just feel a thousand different ways.
I upset Tim tonight after I upset myself. I'm not as under control as I should be. I had a wonderful weekend, I did, but sometimes even wonderful weekends don't do any good once I get back home. I told him I wanted to get married over break instead of waiting so long. And he said okay as he always does. He didn't mean okay. "He meant I like this imaginative idea that could never come to fruition." And I said I wished he realized I was being serious when I said it. And there was the whole rational discussion about "we can't because he wouldn't have insurance if we did, or claim free flights" and "we can't because it would probably make a lot of people very angry" etc. But all I heard was "I don't want to marry you yet." And makes me beyond angry that I actually care or would so horribly twist it into something like that. I'm being such a stupid friggin typical female that I actually feel like physically harming myself or something innocent within harming range.
I miss him a lot. And I saw pictures of him from the weekend being happy and having a good time without me. And I got really upset and started feeling like he didn't need me. And it only made it worse bringing up the marriage thing because I felt like he didn't need me and didn't want me and then I had to hang up while I was sobbing. I'm a mess. I can't sleep. I'm hungry but I can't eat. I hurt all over. I'm upset, teary-eyed, angry, anxious, and impatient.
I keep having all these stupid friggin nightmares about our wedding going so horribly wrong that I just wish we could get married in private. Have it be no one's business but ours and get on with loving each other. Sure we could still have the ceremony at the same time and go through the fancy motions, but then there'd be no pressure. I wouldn't care if anyone tried to ruin it, if something went wrong, or someone didn't show up. I don't really care about anyone else when it comes to this. It's our wedding. Our life. Our forever and I just really don't give a damn if we hurt anyone feelings in the way we go about it.
Once again, I need to go to bed, or do something to distract myself or I'll end up crying all night.
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| I'm still not in a very good mood today. I shouldn't be wasting time online but I can only focus on math so much before my brain can't comprehend things. My German teacher think I'm making that up and I really can't conjugate short sentences in the dative case for over an hour without losing a mirco millimeter of attention.
God I hate him right now.
I signed up to do a dance thingy tomorrow afternoon... which I choreographed... Monday... and which I will probably finish... tomorrow. I admit, I was terrible and as an act of defiance I intentionally wasted so much time reading Questionable Content (hilarious webcomic by the way) that I didn't have any time to do German homework. It bit me in the ass though because I ended up wasting so much time I had to finish my Math homework in the morning ten minutes before class. Still. It pisses me off when teachers try to tell you whats best for you on a very personal level. Like Dalton telling me "Oh you'll be fine, repetition is the best way to learn." and then when I said I wouldn't have time to finish the homework he said "yeah you will." Lke he somehow knew my schedule.
Yeah yeah yeah. I /did/ waste time reading some webcomic but the next day I tried working on it. And guess who was right? I figured out the amount of time I wasted and the amount of time I would've needed to finish that assignment. I wound up being two complete hours short on time. So you know what he asks me? "Karen do you have your homework?" This after he kept us over ten minutes that day, so while I'm hurridly leaving the classroom in an attempt not to explode in rage I say "No. I told you I wouldn't. I wasn't being sarcastic or ever-reactive. I really didn't have time." Which I would've felt bad about had I not done the whole figuring out the time differences. I included time I would've had left if I dd my math homework all in one night and getting to bed by eleven.
Seriously. I've been extremely grumpy this week. My dad pissed me off going on his anti arabic rants and that burnt my fuse so when he left to go check out supplies for his shed I started yelling in anger and frustration at (and I don't mean yelling at her she was just listening to my spew) about how flawed the testing systems were, and how badly course requirements needed re-evaluation, and my ever so trademark "what the hell do liberal arts majors need a gaddamn math requirement?" speech.
By the way, I have yet to have any one give me a good reason. No one has been able to figure out when I would need anything more than basic math skills. And for that reason I still think I'm right.
I need to go be angry at something else for a while.
P.S. We have a phone again!!!!
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| There is no end to my mounting frustration. Maybe I should go into politics. Everyone seems to get pissy and offended with what I say so I might as well get paid to do it.
I'm frustrated because I finally worked up the nerve to write about my problems with my religion. There some things that don't make sense to me, so I wanted to know why someone who was never previously involved in the church should listen to us. What I got were twenty comments of people telling me how it really is and how my perceptions were flawed and hurtful.
I KNEW THAT ALREADY!
Not one of them answered my question. Not. One.
Does no one read the last sentence of anything anymore? Or is everyone content on reading as much as they need to justify anger and self righteous "I'll witness to you to add to my heavenly crown" rantings and then spout out things that have /nothing/ to do with my main points?
Right now I hate people. I really fucking hate people because everyone is inherently retarded. We cannot seem to understand the fact that the only thing we've have accomplished in recent years is not equal rights or any kind of social advancement but the complete and utter destruction of brotherly love and understanding. Tell me, someone, please tell me what we're willing to pay to be right. What is the price of being right? I cannot stand how people will go into extensive rants about how we need to save the planet but none of them seem to stop and consider that a clean planet isn't worth a damn thing if we have no one to share it with. So what if we save the ozone when we all go home alone at night and cry?
Do you know what I find odd? The happiest decade in Amercan history was a time when men were hated for their skin color and women were expected to stay in the kitchen. That confuses me. We might have 'fixed' those two problems but for every one we fix, an entirely different one arises.
We made it so black and whites could sit together shamelessly in public places. We gave women the oppotunities they've always wanted and deserved. We passed laws furthering the proctection of spousal and child abuse. But that hasn't changed a thing. We're still just as unhappy, but in different ways. The divorce rate is now over sixty percent. The media encourages casual sex, drug abuse, divorce and drama. So called Christians bomb abortion clinics. The average age girls lose their virginity is 16. The population is becoming dependent on the government for help through welare, social security, unemployment and all the other government institutions founded to coddle the lazy bastards.
Nothing is getting fixed. Nothing is getting better. No one is listening, and I think from past patterns, no one ever will.
We've improved communications through phones, computers, cables, wires, radios, televisions but we still don't have a clue how to treat our fellow man.
I'm really at a loss and crying in frustration over the idiocy of people today.
Go save your gaddamn planet. I'm going to go save a friend.
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